What I didn’t fully realize is that the fear and the actual pain are VERY different…the pain is a pain that never ends, has no true definition and is deeper than one can wrap their mind around unless one has experienced it first hand. There is no cure, there are no magic words, there is no fix...the pain just simply is. And quite frankly it is hell on earth, it is pure torture, it is a testing of faith, and hope, and patience…it feels as if your heart and soul have been ripped from your chest and discarded without a care in the world. There is NO relief from the pain…NONE…ZERO.
What there is, are pockets of hope. Small pockets in time when you see your family smile and hear their laughter and you remember why you have to go on. It’s a hug from a friend, an encouraging word from a loved one, a smile from a stranger.
I’m writing this today hoping that we are ALL reminded that grief has no time limit, it comes with no rule book and it certainly doesn’t come with directions. Be careful when you find yourself judging others, because I promise you as the sky is blue, you do NOT EVER want to walk this path that I and way way way too many others are on. Do not judge how one feels they need to grieve, do not judge the timing of how long their darkest days may last…do not judge. As the old saying goes, we all have a story to tell and until you’ve lived mine, do not judge me.
