Pregnancy Survey Second Trimester :)

Pregnancy Survey.

1. How old are you and the father? I am 21, he is 23

2. How long have you been together? We were together for about 4 years, but not together anymore.

3. Are you boyfriend/girlfriend, engaged, married, or not together? Not together.

4. Were you together before getting pregnant? Not Really.

5. Was it planned? No.

6. When is your due date? June 10th 2012

8. What do you think the baby will look like? No idea. I know it will be perfect in my eyes.

9. Do you plan on a natural birth or using an epidural or other drugs? Doctor and I are still discussing it.

10. Is this your first baby? Yes.

11. How did yours and the baby’s father’s parents react? Doesn't know.

12. When did you tell them? haven't .

13. Did you consider abortion or adoption? No.

14. What were your first symptoms? Nothing just a late period.

15. How did you find out? Went to doctor because I was very dizzy and light headed. 

16. Have you had an ultrasound? Yes, at 12 weeks.

17. Have you heard the heart beat? Yes.

18. Do you know the sex? I’ll find out the January 24th :).

19. What sex were you hoping for? Boy

20. What girl/boy names did you consider? Haven’t even went over any yet.

21. Does the name you chose have any special significance? —

22. Do you have any supplies yet? Lots of diapers, wipes, crib, and other furniture.

23. Have you felt the baby kick yet? Not yet.

24. When is your baby shower? Probably in May or April

25. How many weeks/months are you? I’m 15 weeks today

26. What are you looking forward to? Finding out what this baby is! 

27. Are you financially able to care for a child? Yes.

28. What was your worst symptom? Nothing yet, besides when I got dizzy.

29. Have you had any cravings? I just want random things.

30. Have you had any food aversions? A few, can’t think of any that stand out right now.

31. Are you scared of having a miscarriage or stillbirth? Yes,, who wouldn’t be.

32. Do you wear maternity clothes? Nope

33. Has anything major changed in your life since your pregnancy? Not really ha. 

34. Do you smoke or drink? No.

35. Do you take prenatal vitamins? Yes.

36. Are you going to breastfeed or use formula? I am going to try breastfeeding..

37. Are you going to use disposable or cloth diapers? Disposable.

38. Do you regret your pregnancy? Nope.

39. What is your weight gain so far? 3lbs so far. Which is awesome

40. Has your baby had the hiccups? Wouldn’t know.

41. How big is your baby so far? about 3.5 inches

42. Do you have any stretch marks? Nope.

43. Any complications with your pregnancy? Nope.

44. Have you seen your baby do any strange things during an ultrasound? No

45. Do you get any criticism? No.

46. Who will be in the delivery room with you? My Brother, and possibly my two best friends

47. Belly button in or out? In

48. What are your feelings towards pregnancy? I haven't really experienced anything, but the ultrasounds, and hearing the heat beat which brought me to tears.

49. Any labor signs? No.

50. What are five words that describe how you feel today? Sleepy, hungry, thirst, bored, lazy.

Every good & perfect gift is planned and unplanned.

Not only have a cried like a baby but I have been ultra sensitive. I do not typically get my feelings hurt easily by friends or family but the last few weeks I think I have read into everything way too much and my feelings have been not only hurt but crushed multiple times. It is actually a little funny now that I am thinking back on the last few weeks but hey, emotions are emotions and when you are pregnant it is a little hard to really control them. I have amazing friends in my life & they do not know how many silly incidents I have cried over the last few weeks haha. Well, as my 2nd trimester is approaching in just days I am hoping to get rid of this softer side and go back to being ME; even if it means that I have tough skin, a callused heart and only cry at the thought of starving orphans & animal cruelty lol

I sure hope this emotional roller coaster ends soon...We shall see what the 2nd trimester has in store!

Grieving

dad with his grandchildren. 

The concept of grief is weird and largely socialized. If you are broken up with, after being in a long-term relationship, you’re allotted 3-4 months of mourning, reckless decisions, asking yourself why and no more, otherwise you’re pathetic, miserable, just can’t move on. Likewise if you go on a few dates with a guy, feel like you clicked and he doesn't want you, that situation is supposed to roll off, like water on your back. Any wallowing - you’re clingy, emotional unstable. On the other hand, if you move on quickly, date someone else, you are seen as strong, maybe even superhuman.

I think there is strength in being able to accept life and the changes life brings you with gratitude and grace, but loss and the mourning process is something that shouldn't necessary have a time limit but then again, I know people who have mourned over past loves for years and I questioned their emotional stability. Then again is that my socialized way of thinking, not being sensitive of cognizant of their development as a human being, their paths of life?

With that being said, I think I’m finally grieving over my dad’s death. My dad died September 16, 2011. I would talk about it so nonchalantly, I remember when I would start to cry, I would just stop, and the tears wouldn't fall. now when I think about him or talk about him to people, tears roll down, I start babbling about my fear of death, fear of dying alone and lonely, no spouse, fear of being unfulfilled, fear of loved ones dying before they can see me succeed and achieve the goals most important to me (marriage, getting my degree, starting a family, being established, being self-actualized), fear of never seeing my goals. I simply don’t want to die right now and I don’t want the people closest to me to die, I want them to share my achievements.

My father won’t be able to walk me down the aisle. I have no one to walk me down the aisle. I am not even sure who is supposed to. I will not ask my step father.  I guess my brother.  anyways, I’m semi-annoyed I’m a clinical vignette - experiencing grief a few months later, but like I said, you can’t put a time limit on grief because it is part of the human experience and my path and development of life… not society’s definition

Eating For 2

Cravings...

In my opinion pregnancy cravings have to be one of the strangest things ever! If you are a chocolate lover it is one thing to crave a chocolate sundae or if you are the type of person who loves sour candy then it is pretty understandable for you to crave sour patch kids(which are my personal fav). But pregnancy cravings on the other hand make absolutely no sense!

I am only 13 weeks pregnant and whatever hormone it is that makes women crave random foods that are not normally apart of our daily diet, has definitely gone into effect. If you know me then you know that I don't eat a lot or often.

Well since the baby has come into the pictures my taste buds have definitely changed! I can not stand even the thought of sea food. Shrimp, salmon, talapia, crab & lobster all make me want to puke! Even the smell of sea food brings about a wave of nausea. I am not crazy about sea food. However, I love tuna steaks. Apparently, that has all changed for a while. The only good thing about avoiding sea food is that when you are pregnant, you have to be careful not to consume too much mercury anyways, because it can be dangerous for the baby. I guess I do not have to worry about high levels of mercury since I won't be enjoying any under the sea delights including my fav, just thinking about it now makes me sick. 

Now I am going to talk about a few of my current CRAVINGS!

1) Smoothies: I am craving them daily. Anything with Pineapple.   

2) V8: I never drink V8 but strangely enough, I want it.

3) Orange Juice: it helps easy my nauseous stomach.

4) Cheez-its:  I have no clue why these taste so good.

5) Lucky Charms: I feel like a little girl again :)

6) Pickles:  I guess this is not a bad craving but it is a little random...

7) French Fries: Uh oh...I hope this craving does not last! So far I have given in & ordered fries 4X

Shocking News!!

People that read my blog know that some things happened back in September. Well unfortunately it is all still a blur to me. I made myself a doctor’s appointment, because I felt very weak and light headed. If you know me, then you know that my period has never really been regular. So since I haven’t been sexually active I didn't freak out when it didn't come. Well it turns out that I am about 12 weeks Pregnant. When I was told this news I was shocked. The crying began because I had no idea I was pregnant. I am terrified; I am only 21 fixing to be 22. I know I am an adult, but I had so many life experiences I wanted to experience before I had children. Everything happens for a reason. I can’t imagine doing this on my own. I mean I know my brother will be there for me, but I always imagined having a husband, then a child. I don’t plan on telling my EX, I just don’t think that it’s safe. I am not sure that I will tell many people. Maybe the very few that I trust.