5 months ago today I lost a chunk of my heart that will never heal or be replaced. I simply can’t believe that when I wake each morning that you will not be there. I can still hear your laugh and see your smile and I’m terrified for the day when your voice fades from my memory. Grieving and healing are an odd pair.
For any sister (or brother) who has lost a sibIing I can only imagine that you feel the same as me…..when does it start feeling real? I know she is gone but there are times when it simply feels unreal…too heavy, too incomprehensible, too tragic for me.
There are so many exhausting tasks to be had after someone dies….things that in a million years I NEVER imagined myself doing. Receiving the autopsy report for Jessica was bone crushing painful but I did something yesterday that was just as painful if not more……I picked up Jessica’s death certificate. I held that in my hand and cried like a baby…Just like a birth certificate with its place of birth, time of birth, parents names…..the death certificate is eerily similar yet so different.
To see on a piece of paper that my sister's place of death was a “roadway” and that her cause of death was Multiple Body Trauma due to a Motor Vehicle Crash (passenger-belted)….wow the details. There was more that I will spare you the details of…but can you imagine as a sibling holding that piece of paper in your hands and trying to comprehend it and then trying to go about and live your life and raise your sister's children and go to your job and well, just simply function?
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