Remeber what's important

26 days without you…..I believe it is getting harder rather than easier. I think in cases such as these, time does NOT heal….time without you simply makes me ache for you more (as if that is even possible). I’ve thought a lot lately about the things people ask and say during times like these, and as most people realize there just simply are NO words that can ease this pain. I’ve caught myself a few times answering “fine” to the question “how are you doing?” However, more often than not I answer truthfully and simply say “not good”. I saw a friend of mine wearing a necklace at Jessica’s viewing that read “Due in March” and I remarked on it how that was such a cool idea; as a pregnant woman you get asked a million times “when are you due”?  It made me think that I wish I had a necklace or a shirt or flag to wave that simply mentioned how I was feeling or perhaps even warning people “back off, not a good day” – ha, I actually like that idea.

I’ve thought a lot today about all of the things Jessica will never get to experience, or I with her. We were planning vacation for this spring.The realization that we will not get to experience those visits together has me utterly paralyzed with sadness. The fact that her three children will have no memories with their mother that they will truly remember. She has two twin daughters that were  born July 2nd 2009, and a son who was born april 2nd 2007. Weird how you put the days together and it's 22, which was the date of her death August 22nd.  

I then started thinking about all of the things in life that people take for granted (myself included). I know from August 22, 2010 on, my appreciation for even the smallest detail in life has changed. Of course directly after an accident and tragedy of this magnitude everyone says the same thing: “you don't have forever”….but I also see people forget that very soon and get busy with life again. I pray that my blog gets read and shared so that others are reminded DAILY that the people in your life are what matters. Not the car you drive, the house you live in, the vacation you are taking, the job you hold, the promotion you are seeking……but the people. Many times that realization comes way too late for people and their loved ones are already gone and they are left with a mound of guilt.

I loved my sister with all my heart and soul and I love the relationship that we had and the honesty and love that we shared. Jess was one special individual and not just because she was my sister, more so because she simply loved her family and friends and lived every day in the moment.

2007 Prom