Today I’m at a place where I don’t know whether to rejoice because I like to hope she is somewhere better, or to scream with madness that she was ripped away from us way too soon; never to turn 21 never to marry, never share memories with her children…simply ripped from our lives.
The tears come often but they give no reprieve from the pain….and sometimes the pain is so intense there are no tears to be shed.
As I sat with her today, I became angry, angry that THIS is where I have to go to visit my sister! I realize she is in my heart and is all around me…..but I am angry that I can’t reach out and hug her, angry that I can’t tell her I love her and hear her say “love you more”. I’m angry that I am living my worst nightmare and angry that there is NO ending to this pain, the most I can ever hope for is that I learn to live again with the pain, that is as good as it is ever going to get for any of us.
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